My Sanctuary

Is it weird that I love to be outside? I know the question comes off really strange, but I've always wondered why I have such a connection with nature. I feel completely at ease and at peace with myself when I can come outside and meditate. I can free my mind from every negative thought and sit there in a state of nothing but a state of being simultaneously. Sounds really weird but it is the truth. I do smoke a lot of cannabis, but in my defense it actually has a calming effect on me. In order to understand the rest of this you need to know a little back history about myself : I suffer from Bipolar II, BPD, PTSD and OCD. Nice quad-diagnosis. I hate being labeled by my "disorder" or "condition." I just want to be normal. And I hate it when someone tells me "well nobody is 'normal'" or "what really is 'normal.'" I shouldn't get mad at getting an answer like that from a rhetorical question, but if you know me then you know what I mean by that. But anyways...I need to be outside for most of the day. I don't care if I just sit in the backyard and do nothing. As long as I can smell the earth, feel the wind, and hear the sounds of nature I am perfectly satisfied. I do feel bad though when P- doesn't want to be outside because it's cold or too hot. I feel like a mean person forcing P- to stay outside with me when he doesn't want to. Because I wouldn't like it if someone made me do something I wouldn't do. But I guess it is what it is. I can't control the biochemical processes that occur up in my head. I'm stuck on stupid for the rest of my life because I won't be able to shake these demons in my mind. They have now become a part of me that I just have to accept. And it sucks.