Uncertainty

I always feel like if I don't belong. It doesn't even matter where I go. I can be hanging out with my family or best friends and I still get a feeling of insecurity. I always feel like if I am a burden on other people. But that's just my mind and it's horrible creation of thoughts. If for one day I could be "normal" I would be happy. It's the same routine every single day. "Same shit, different day" basically sums up the entirety of my existence.

I'm not an alcoholic. I don't have a drug addiction. I do drink. I do smoke pot. But I don't believe that I have a "problem." But I know that when I do drink, I drink a lot. I don't drink during the week, but I do during the weekends. I have no idea how the hell my mood in this changed when I started off writing about my insecurities. Now I feel like if I am at a 12-step program. But anyways....I smoke to ease my mind. I hate my manic side of my Bipolar II depression. But I also hate the depression. It's like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. .